An account of the Hans Reiser trial yesterday caught my attention with the headline, “Couple fought over violent video games.” This got me to thinking about what happens when parents disagree about screen issues. The Reiser case is extreme — he played very violent video games with his then-six-year-old, considering it an education of sorts. And few screen squabbles result in a missing mom, with the dad on trial for murder. But in many, many households, well-intentioned parents struggle with how to present a united front when they disagree about their kids’ screen usage.

Joe and I are usually of like mind when it comes to electronics, but not always. Because I work shorter hours than he does, I do the lion’s share of caregiving during the week. And, OK, I admit it, I sometimes suffer from screen supervision fatigue. Which is when limits lag. And Joe can be the first to point this out. Feathers get ruffled (mine). Nothing serious, but setting screen limits is a lot easier when you’re both on the same page and feeling supported.

I’ve been mulling over three strategies to mitigate parental disputes over screens. None are foolproof, but they may get you thinking about how to deal with your own disagreements.

1. Switch roles. If one of you is generally the bad guy, have the other partner try that role on for size. It’s harder than it looks.
2. Look to the experts. Pick a trusted third party (say, your pediatrician or a respected friend) and ask their opinion about the situation. An important step: Agree to accept the answer, no matter what it is.
3. Let the person with the more “conservative” opinion prevail. That way, neither of you will be crossing your personal line in the sand. Then agree to support each other.

Video games certainly are not what put the Reisers over the edge. But the story is a dark reminder that setting screen limits can be a highly-charged stressor in a modern marriage.