Call in the mediators! Send us all to therapy! All four people in my family have dug in their heels, thrown tantrums and refused to share. What is this valuable “toy” we each want to claim for our own? It’s our kitchen TV in the morning. Joe wants CNBC for the stock ticker and market analysis. I grew up watching the Today Show and depend on it to know where the world sits as I start my day. Andy must see ESPN and its derivatives to be totally up-to-the-minute, just in case something new in sports has happened while he slept. Alex simply wants to sing along with the Wiggles.

Easy, you say. Just eliminate TV altogether. Three of the four of us are unwilling to make that move. (Hmm. I’ll let you guess who that is. Hint: I have only one vote out of two.) Another possible solution: Disperse the viewers to other rooms. I think not: The kitchen has…breakfast. And in a disturbing turn of events, one individual (who I will not name) has attempted to gain access by waking before the rest of us. Never a good development. Stay tuned: Whoever solves this one will surely be tapped for the next Middle East peace delegation.