Photo credit: Lazurite

It was one of the weirdest parenting moments ever. Over a restaurant table, an acquaintance who had tagged along with my friend for lunch pulled out her iPhone and showed me all the emails my son had ever sent her daughter. It felt a little creepy.  And when she told me, with heartfelt empathy, “Oh, he was devastated when Isabella broke up with him,” I felt almost sick–my closed-mouth son had not even confided to me about the breakup, and here was a mom–a relative stranger to him–who knew all the details.

I’ve chosen not to read my child’s emails. (He doesn’t have a phone, so texts aren’t part of our life, but it’s the same issue.) A few years back, I attended a seminar on children and technology, and the speaker (a family therapist) advised that parents not read their children’s email, unless red flags have suggested it may be warranted. This approach makes sense to me and is what I have followed. I believe tweens and teens need some privacy, and developing trust between parent and child is very important. But then, I haven’t seen any red flags.

There’s an interesting discussion on the subject over at CommonSenseMedia.org. I particularly like that a lot of kids and parents weigh in on the subject, but my favorite comment was one of turned tables: a mother upset that her steamy texts were read by her child!

Whether or not you choose to read your child’s email, you should be aware that many parents do. Our whole family had a discussion about this, as I think it’s fair warning for the child (“Think before you send”. (I know my son would be mortified to know his email conversation was being passed around a restaurant table, so we kept it theoretical.) And if you do decide to snoop, be prepared to squirm. While you’re unlikely to uncover any incriminating information, you’re sure to be shocked…if nothing else, by the terrible spelling.