Photo credit: banspy

I had always wondered how otherwise-savvy kids get duped into rendezvousing with people they meet online (sometimes to tragic end).  But I recently learned that most predators will communicate with a child for three to six months before suggesting an in-person meeting. Over such an extended period, they are able to build a rapport and a credible story about who are (but really aren’t). They know the latest music and interests of children. They listen empathetically. Only very gradually do they interject any sexually explicit chat.

I found this European site, chatdanger.com, interesting and helpful (and more balanced than its name suggests). It’s divided into sections for cell phones, chat, email, messenger and games. For each it offers a real example of how a child was put in danger, as well as concrete tips/perspectives for kids and parents. For example, think your child doesn’t go to “chat rooms”? Well, many online gaming sites are actually chat rooms in disguise. And many have voice chat. There’s lots of valuable information here–check it out.

Photo credit: striatic

If you fret about the amount of time your kids are spending with TV, an easy way to turn this to a positive (instead of lowering the “no more TV boom”) is to sit and watch with them. Yes, I know you wanted to “get something done” while your kids watched, and this tactic does defeat that purpose. But at least you get an enjoyable rest period, and you can feel good that your child is learning more.

According to David Dutwin, Ph.D., author of Unplug Your Kids (Adams Media, 2009), studies show that only half of parents usually or always watch TV with their children.  (The older the child, the lower the percentage.) Yet, some studies have shown that watching TV with a parent more than doubles what a child learns from a program. Dutwin says scholar Robert Abelman suggests these strategies to maximize learning during parent/child viewing:

• Discuss what is real and what is not. Real versus fantasy is obvious to adults but not to kids. Separating fiction from nonfiction is a major learning objective in the primary grades. For older children watching a show in which a character dies (from violence), this is a good place to stress that in real life, when someone dies they’re gone forever (unlike when an actor dies on a show).
• Underscore consequences. What happens as a result of what that character just did? You can draw parallels to the child’s life.
• Provide motivations. Talk to your kids about why characters do what they do.
• Verbalize acceptability. When a television character is doing something that you’d like to reinforce in your child, call attention to it.

Your kids may not know they’re learning more with you alongside, but I guarantee they’ll be thrilled to share TV time with you.

photo credit: craigmdennis

Photo credit: AlohaMama

I just read a fascinating thought from Caitlin Flanagan in the Atlantic this month about why teenage girls read:

The salient fact of an adolescent girl’s existence is her need for a secret emotional life—one that she slips into during her sulks and silences, during her endless hours alone in her room, or even just when she’s gazing out the classroom window while all of Modern European History, or the niceties of the passé composé, sluice past her. This means that she is a creature designed for reading in a way no boy or man, or even grown woman, could ever be so exactly designed, because she is a creature whose most elemental psychological needs—to be undisturbed while she works out the big questions of her life, to be hidden from view while still in plain sight, to enter profoundly into the emotional lives of others—are met precisely by the act of reading.

I so related to this — as a teen I read every romantic novel from every century. And I’ve always wondered why as an adult I enjoy reading very much but don’t seem to need it as much as in my youth. This explains it.

But it also set me to thinking, could this be part of the attraction of video games for boys? Are they perhaps working out their place in a competitive world, in a secret, safe way?

So, how does What They Play gather the information? ”We have a small army of people playing the crap out of games,” John Davison, What They Play’s president and an ex-Ziff Davis exec, told Wired.com. (This play-the-crap-out-of-it job is something Andy will no doubt be asking his high school counselor about in a few years.) The site is currently rather spotty in its coverage, but Davison reports the company is prioritizing games to review based on partner Amazon.com’s Most Popular list. Formats covered range from PC to GameBoy to XBox. (Under the heading of read-the-fine-print: After reading the review, you can click on the “Buy this game at Amazon.com” button, and Whattheyplay.com undoubtedly gets an Amazon associate kick-back.)

At heart, I’m a stickler for ratings, and I can only think of one instance when I’ve allowed either child to play a game above his age. (This one of the few electronics-parenting challenges that actually seemed doable for me.) But these days things get a little muddled when younger child is in the room when older child is playing a more mature game, and younger child wants to try it too. So, perhaps I’d do well to stop thinking so black-and-white – looks like there’s quite a bit more detailed information out there to use for guidance than the single-letter rating. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on this site.